Lauren The Bad Egg

A couple months ago I was checking out my butt in the mirror to assess progress from training at the gym. To my horror, I spotted a massive, angry pimple on my right cheek. I mean, this fucker was the size of JUPITER.

So I did what any normal young woman would do: I tortured it with tea tree oil and other blemish treatments. I whispered hateful things to it. I bullied it. I exfoliated and used antibacterial soap on it. When those didn’t work, I resorted to witchcraft.

All of that effort and it seemed to only make it worse.

So a couple weeks ago at my annual dermatology appointment I showed the doc my rump. One look at the horrid bump and she said, “You’re working out all the time and sweat is continually trapped down there even though you’re wearing the right materials and showering afterwards. I’m going to get you a prescription bodywash that will take care of it. It’s totally covered by your insurance and will be mailed to you every month.”

Wow, YES. I got it in the mail and started using it this week. I’m thrilled to report that the Zit Lord is already disappearing. But my doc failed to mention something. The body wash makes you smell like eggs. Not just any eggs, BAD eggs. Not only can I smell it during the day when I’m simply sitting at my desk, but when I’m working out at the gym and getting sweaty, it becomes even more apparent. Oh hell no, what WAS that? Oh…it’s just Lauren the egg.

Yesterday in the weight room I began performing dumbbell squats. Was it me or did the guy next to me have a weird look on his face shortly thereafter? He moved to an empty bench several feet away. My friend at the gym came over to say hi later on, after I was thoroughly exhausted. “Something smells funky around here,” he commented. I smiled sweetly.

“Eggzactly,” I replied. “I don’t know where it’s coming from!”

Researching the product online I have found that people do complain about the stench. So at least it’s not just me. I’ll just use it until the Zit Lord is totally gone and hope he doesn’t return. Eggcellent idea, don’t you think?

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11 thoughts on “Lauren The Bad Egg

  1. So the shower gel contains sulphur? Well, I understand that you need it to treat a medical condition, but I would want to get rid of it as soon as possible! But the egg puns are a nice side effect! 😉

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