“The MAN line starts here, bro,” said a massive, inverted triangle-shaped dude to a younger, less shapely dude. He and a few other triangles were all seeing how much they could bench press. There were no shortage of grunts, exasperated huffing, and strained moans.
I was nearby, performing tricep dips on a bench and finding it hard to concentrate with that nonsense. An old man hobbled into the weight room and sought out a bench next to me. He let out a hard sigh and ran his hand through what little white hair he had left. He appeared to be in decent shape. He picked out some moderately heavy dumbbells and set them down on the bench. I had just finished a set so I stood up and shook my arms. He looked at my chest. No, not my tits – the word on my tank top. “Metallica! You know how to rock, high five!” He held his palm up and I said, “Right on,” and slapped it. We then pressed on with our sets.
After I had finished I ventured out into the main room where all the machines were. I got myself set up to do some preacher curls. On the far wall lay a series of racquetball courts, frequented by hairy, heavyset men. A group of them had just finished a game and were headed my way. Drenched in sweat, I could smell their sickeningly ripe bodies. I would call them the “Sasquatch Gang.” Of course they paused right where I was working, deep in conversation about the latest sports whatever. They all donned matching white sweatbands, not that they worked. I had 2 more sets to complete. Thankfully just in time, Miss #1 Gym Hottie strutted out of the cardio room glistening in her revealing hot pink workout ensemble. She began doing stretches in the corner, mostly bent over with her ass facing us. The men had stopped mid-sentence and couldn’t seem to remember what they were talking about. They shuffled away so they could get a better look. I happily inhaled the fresh Sasquatch-free air.
I finally proceeded back to the weights room where I grabbed a mat to finish off with some abdominal exercises. I lay on my back with one of those large stability balls between my feet. I crunched, lifting my feet and hands up and exchanging the ball between my feet and hands, then stretching out flat again with the ball now in my hands. I continued to do this 15 times, passing the ball back and forth between my hands and feet. I’ve always found the ball exchange to be a very challenging exercise. In fact it was so challenging this time that a lovely toot escaped by accident. Sounded just like a powerful duck quack. Alarmed and red-faced, I glanced around to see if the 2 guys in the room with me had heard. Luckily for me, they had their headphones on and did not appear to have noticed. Whew.
I look forward to more people-watching next time, and hopefully no more quack-attacks.