What Gives?

Last rant before the end of the year.

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Do people use physical calendars anymore? Every year for Christmas my family and I exchange calendars. At the end of every year I copy important dates into a journal from that year, and transfer birthdays and other recurring dates onto next year’s calendar. I keep track of appointments, events, and dates with friends. I don’t think I could live without it! This year my parents bought me a yoga cats calendar.

The calendar holds us accountable. My mom has instilled in me the importance of remembering and keeping plans.

Lately I’ve come to realize just how hard it is (for my generation, at least) to follow through with plans. People don’t seem to value dates as much. I don’t understand – you wouldn’t want to miss a doctor’s appointment or hair appointment, or if you’re a model you wouldn’t want to miss a photo shoot, even if you weren’t going to be paid – but you can easily forget about or cancel spending time with your friend? I’ll set up a hang out date with X friend(s) on X day at X time. I write it on my calendar. I hold true to that date and time and it is extremely rare that I have to cancel or show up an hour late.  But more often than not I’ve experienced the following:

A – I tell said friend earlier in the day that I look forward to seeing them later (our date was planned about a week ago, or even a few days ago) – said friend says “OMG that was today? I TOTALLY forgot! I can’t…I have to do some stuff.”

B – I tell said friend earlier in the day that I look forward to seeing them later – said friend says “I am so sorry! I’ve been sick this whole week and I’m just not up to it.” I think to myself, Oh it was nice of you to remember to tell me early so maybe I could make other plans. You seem to have plenty of time to post on facebook this week…

C – Said friend actually remembers but lets me know an hour prior that X day would actually be better, because they have to run some errands, do something for their boyfriend, their family wanted them to do this one thing or basically someone else needs them. When I plan a date with someone it’s pretty much set in stone unless I’m sick, someone dies, I have to go into work and take care of a situation, etc. If my boyfriend or family wants to do something I say “No, I already made plans with this friend, I’m sorry.” And we work around that date.

Maybe it’s just me, but I very much look forward to my planned outings and hang time with friends, and when people don’t follow through, I feel a great sense of disappointment. It’s depressing to get ready to go out and look forward to a great time later only to be cancelled on and have an evening with nothing to do. Rarely can I find someone free who can spontaneously hang out to fill up my cancelled plan time. I can of course find something else to occupy my time but it’s not going to be as fun as what I really wanted to do. I’m a busy chick and when I have free time to hang out with friends, I want to use it!

There are of course exceptions – people get sick, emergencies arise, etc. and sometimes shit happens. But for repeat offenders and to just “forget” someone…my tolerance for this kind of behavior is quickly disappearing. I’ve been nice about it in the past: “oh no problem, I’ve got other stuff to do anyway…” but perhaps it’s time I mention how important it is to me. When a “friend” simply forgets you were supposed to hang out, it sends me a clear message: You don’t value my time. You don’t value our friendship. I don’t matter very much to you.

I am a human being and I have feelings – forgive the emo rant here but after experiencing repeated rotten behavior I start to feel sad and shitty, questioning whether my friends really enjoy being around me, (they seem to when we do magically get together…). I like people that are dependable – is that too much to ask in today’s world?

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I might sound like an asshole. I really do like to think of myself as flexible and forgiving of every-once-and-a-whiles, life’s mishaps, blah blah. But all of the frustrations have built up over the past couple of years and recently it has been one cancellation after another. I feel like I have to say it: when I value a friendship, I’ll do everything I can to follow through with plans – and it all starts with writing it on my calendar. And if something happens where I know I can’t make it, I have the courtesy to let them know as early as I can so I don’t waste their time. Time is precious. You can depend on me!

XoXo,

Lauren

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17 thoughts on “What Gives?

  1. I couldn’t agree more. I hate when friends blow me off at the last second or completely forget about plans. I definitely don’t think you’re the only one. I’ve wondered the same thing, myself, as to why some people just don’t hold their friendships in very high regard anymore. It’s puzzling.

  2. Amen, Lauren! I know EXACTLY how you feel. It is entirely too frustrating to hold your friendships in such high regard, only to have those friends truely blow you off. In my family (the greater Bichelmeyer family and all) calendars hold sort of a mystical quality. My Great-Grandma B. used to take a new calendar and write down ALL te family birthdays, anniversaries, and past dates of death for all current family, and those one generation above her as well. Not only that, but the calendar she would write them into was one that the sons (my great-uncles) hand out for free, every december to customers of Bichelmeyer Meats, in KCK. It’s a tradition. If you buy from them in December, you get a free calendar full of horse paintings for you to enjoy all year round. I for one, keep a calendar around, not really to mark downsates (but i do occasionally) but rather to keep track of the day of the week. If i set up a date, its very rare i’ll forget it, but i’ll, use the calendar to suppliment my staying on the correct day of the week. Thats my two cents, and I thank you for saying it “out loud.” – Brandon

    P.s. It pops into my head, if you were to make a youtube channel, and post these as videos o you speeking, or audio of you to a changing artistic background, that could be awesome, too.

  3. Indeed, Dan! I don’t know, you would think with all the new technology people would be using their smart phones to help them remember dates. 😉

    Brandon, that is truly special what Great-Grandma B did. I know my mom marks family deaths as well. I’ve had this whole week off from work and not having to be there has made me look at my calendar to make sure it’s really the day of the week I think it is. At my work, deadlines are extremely important so days and dates are always on my brain. Videos would be fun but I prefer writing. I have time to think about what I’m going to say and edit it instead of it being more of an improv thing like speaking my mind. I tend to jumble my words when I speak, and I hate being put on the spot. I’d probably have to edit the videos a ton so they would sound exactly the way I wanted them. It would take more time than this blog! I have been wanting to create a goofy cooking video, though.

    Thank you both for reading…and I’m glad to know there are folks out there who still value follow-through and it’s not just me having high expectations.

    • Right-O, Lauren! Ya, video editing is fun, IF you have the time, which I suppose you are pretty busy. Didnt say it couldnt be scripted though, such as you reading directly from your blog, you would reach a wider audience. However there is something to be said for staying singularly in a print medium, and I salute you!

      And speaking of your loyalties, did you realize this? In alphabetical order, using first- name initials, your name literally comes out “LOYAL.” Mmm, that’s some good food for thought!

  4. What program do you use to edit? Have you done any that are up on youtube? You’re right, it could be scripted. I just know I did a little video for my Swedish penpal and it’s kind of goofy. I thought about what I was going to say beforehand but a script would have been nice. Anyhow, thank you! I try to be fairly consistent with my posts. It’s one of the keys to gaining LOYAL followers. I have been called Lauren Loyal before…it seems to be easy for folks to mispronounce my name. They either call me Laura or add stuff onto Loya. 😀

    • Hmm, I haven’t edited video in a long time, so I’m out of practice, Ms. Loyal. 😉 And nothing I ever posted on youtube was edited. Anything I posted was short and just a quick snap on a point and click. Cudos to you if you can find it…

      Challenge: Accept / Decline

  5. Just put stripping as your occupation on facebook. And make that link your “website” on FB. Hah. Well your videos are extremely exciting, I must say. :p That shop looks like it’s on Merriam Lane?

      • Um, no, well, it IS Merriam Lane, however it’s not by the time you get to the shop. It turns into Southwest Blvd. The old shop is between Mission Rd and Rainbow Blvd!

  6. Yeah I think I know where that is. I’ve always liked that area however crummy it looks. Not long before it turns into SW Blvd there is a road that I take to get to Sauer Castle.

    • Ok, seriously, how often do you go by Sauer Castle?! Because I drive by there at least once every 3 months, and I know about 3 ways to get there, and I know some realllllllly sweet spots around there to see. Really is a cool area. The nooks and cranies of KC are special places, for sure.

      • Oh, I usually stop there a couple times every year. Usually once for myself and another time to show a friend who hasn’t seen it before. There is some other house not far away…the monkey lady’s house? I bet you’ve seen that.

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