The Modern Man’s Guide to Women: look at those nails

Today’s blog entry is about nails, nail polish and what it says about the wearer. It can be used as a simple guide for dudes if they are looking to meet a girl. Take a glance at her nails – how a girl takes care of her nails can give you some clues as to who she is and her lifestyle. I once dated a guy who said he avoided women who wore pink nail polish at all costs. At the time he met me, I was wearing dark blue metallic polish – it helped with the overall first impression. Recently my boss mentioned that she had some teal nail polish she never wore any more. The reason? Her man thought teal looked trashy, so she stopped wearing it. I told her that I liked trashy teal, so she gave it to me and I’m happily wearing it today. I don’t think I’m trashy, but some men have some definite opinions about nails and nail polish colors…everyone is different. What you see below is meant to be a lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek kind of guide for those men who need some help “reading” a girl before bothering to meet her. Remember, there are always exceptions…but I feel that the majority of what I have listed below is tried and true. Most of these are just common sense! Some girls may enjoy trying different things to their nails so it’s possible their current style might be a one-time thing, but for those with little time looking for instant clues…or those that go on several dates who can see a pattern…

If you meet a girl who keeps her nails extremely short, it could mean that she’s a musician or an athlete. Most likely somewhat of a tomboy as well. These girls also tend to wear little to no nail polish, and any nail polish they do wear is non-girly colors. No reds, purples, or pinks. Chefs are usually not allowed to wear nail polish, either. I know from experience – it was forbidden because nail polish paint chips can be scratched off while you work and get in the food. For 3 years I didn’t wear polish except if I went on vacation. When I quit I couldn’t WAIT to paint my nails again…I was thrilled. These days I tend to keep my nails very short, and when I do wear nail polish which isn’t all the time, it’s either dark or unusual colors. I like to keep mine short because I can’t type with long nails or do much else. I like being outdoors and roughhousing so anytime my nails grow to a length I consider “long,” they end up cracking, tearing and getting dirt under them. On occasion I will pick up a guitar and attempt to play something, and long nails are not conducive to playing.

If you find a girl that wears strange colors or draws miniature penguins on her nails, she’s probably creative and artsy.

Red nails have mixed messages – they can scream classy, prostitute, pinup chick and vampy bitch all at the same time. Tread lightly.

Girls who wear black nail polish, burgundy, navy and other dark colors, maybe silver metallic…enjoy the dark side and perhaps some rock and roll. Hello Morticia Addams!

If you find a girl that keeps her nails fairly long, gets regular manicures, fake nails or French tips, etc. then you may have a girl who’s a bit high maintenance. This one probably doesn’t enjoy being outdoors too much, getting dirty or sweaty action. They might break a nail! Or this might just be a girl who prefers to look very feminine. Pink is a popular color here, and pretty princess purples and lots of glitter. And maybe, just maybe…a little Hello Kitty decal. Gold digger? Maybe. Treat this chick like a princess or you won’t last long.

If there’s a girl with wild leopard print nails, elaborate rhinestone designs, or extremely long nails, protect yourself. You’ve got a wild one. Bitches better back off! This shit is SERIOUS. Don’t get on her bad side or you’ll be mauled by this tigress.

If you see these, RUN! Run while you still can…

And if you see these, you’re looking for pussy in the wrong place, my friend.


6 thoughts on “The Modern Man’s Guide to Women: look at those nails

    • I know, I should have majored in Nail Studies. 😉 Thank you loyal reader! What color/style are your nails right now? I’m going to guess short and bare, or short with a non-girly color.

      • Correct Madam. Although I’m thinking of going for some subtly shimmery lilic color, feeling a bit rebellious lately. I know, Oooohhh gasp! 😉

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